1. Smoking is good for you now.
2. Being Republican qualifies as a pre-existing condition.
3. Free band-aids for the deceased.
4. Cannot be denied coverage of butt. (Democratic Congress members only.)
5. Guaranteed upper arms just like Michelle’s.
6. 24-hour “Head-On” commercial channel.
7. First million to be treated for Swine Flu get free gum.
8. Secret payment plan: Bill Gates
9. Instead of X-rays for broken arms, doctors will just ask if you can wiggle your fingers.
10. Medical marijuana covered. Ditto medical Cheese Curls.
btw: this is just for laughs...these things aren't really in the bill, but i wouldn't necessarily be surprised if it were.
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