In the news...

this one has been in the works for a few days...

Looks like somebody’s retirement is still Favre, Favre away.

Hurricane Bill is now a category 4 storm in the Atlantic. Hurricane Hillary angrily responded, “No, I’m a category 4 storm in the Atlantic! You want the opinion of a category 4 storm, you ask me, not my husband!”

Archivists are studying the contents of 610 boxes filled with junk collected by pop artist Andy Warhol. So far the finds have been very exciting to anyone who really, really likes Campbell’s soup.

Britney Spears showed off her hot new figure on David Letterman’s “Late Show” by delivering the nightly top ten list in a bikini. The list was “The Top Ten Reasons Male Viewers Won’t Click Away in the Next Sixty Seconds.” Okay, the top two reasons.

Afghanistan is calling for a media blackout, which should be easy if Britney stays out of Afghanistan.

Feisty old folks are so riled up at the AARP for endorsing Obama’s health care plan that they’re staging a mass shuffle-out.

House democrats are threatening to push health care reform through even if they ultimately get no republican support, saying, “we can’t work with them if they’re not going to give us the bipartisan gesture of doing what we say.”

Swiss banks have agreed to hand over the names of approximately 5,000 account holders to the U.S. government for possible criminal investigation, and in so doing have ruined their credibility in Hollywood spy movies.

38% of companies have indicated that they would hire back employees that they have fired because of the economic downturn because it’s harder to train somebody new than it is to ignore someone who’s really really angry.

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